The Banner is where I want to be….

A few minutes ago I sent an email to my local newspaper asking if they would allow me to write for them. Never have I know the amount of pride( do not feel like that’s the right word to use) I have in myself, my work, and what I can do then when I pressed SEND on the email.

You may wonder what my qualifactions are, here are some that I think are relevant:

– I read the dictionary every three years to brush up on words, spelling and new words.

– I’ve won the spelling bee in the 3rd grade. Once is enough for me

– I will always give you my honest opinion (after checking to make sure that is what you want)

– I can actually read a book by its cover( my opinion of course),not that I ever will because I feel like that it is very forward and unfair of the author.

– I am able to put words in perspective of anyone who listens (say things that anyone can understand)

– I actually completely enjoy writing and helping people. It is something that actually makes me happy.

– I can deal with criticism very well.

– I am able to put myself in any person shoes

– I am extremely open-minded to everyone, their views, and their religions.  

I believe the most qualified person for the job does not mean they will\can do it the way it needs to be done. So I am not asking you to have faith in me, I am asking you to let me show you what I can accomplish.

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My vehicle anxiety….

Do you know what its like to imagine the worst situation in every situation you are ever in? Well picture it.. Yup. Holy shit right? Welcome to my life during car rides or even driving. Now the only time I do drive is to work 3 blocks away and that’s not only because I’m pregnant but also my husband thinks someone will steal me ( i take that as a ploy on how attractive I am, weather it be true or not) . other wise my husband drives everywhere. I really have no idea how I lived life without him before. Ah yes I just didn’t drive. I suppose I can blame my anxiety on my mother (like so many people do) she drove me around till I was..well.. She still does when she is around.. But the truth the real truth is I have been in exactly 13 car/truck accidents 3 minor and 10 terrible all involving ER visits and ambulances.. I was only the driver in 2 of these accidents and they were 2 out of the 3 minor ones.

Right now I’m in the car with my husband headed to his mothers house for new years eve a mear 90min away. We make this drive often. Twice a month or more sometimes.. Every time at the same spots I ask (never remembering) “is that the car, or the road”, ” do you hear that, what is that “, ” are you sure we don’t have a flat” , ” why does the car do that”.

I’m great with my panic attacks at this point I can have one and no one even know, if I don’t do my breathing then I get the headaches, those are worse than the whole ordeal all together. What can ya do? Freak people out or get a headache from hell, sometimes its a toss up.

I also scare very easily, even just saying it makes my heart race. You could say boo to me out of nowhere and I’ll scream like a child. Even worse with the popping out to scaring me that a major panic attack and crying. Most people find it funny. I mean there’s humor in everything right? Sometimes I laugh also so I can’t pretend its always terrible.” Always find humor in yourself, if you can’t make yourself laugh then your shit out of luck for others” my mother used to say.. Oh mom.. How she was right about every damn thing she ever said

What I have accomplished in 2014..

Nothing. Yup that’s right if you knew me before and you look at me now you will think “you did not do crap this year”. The cold hard truth is this year I have grown more mentally than ever before. Most will say that’s from my age and I agree. This year I found out who my friends were and that I only have one real friend after the year ends (besides hubby), also that trust is not something just given but it needs to be earned. My husband and I were married in the middle of some troubling times that we just now seem to be able to climb out of. I have learned so much not only about myself also about the people around me. One thing I won’t forget about 2014 ” people will do whatever they have to in order to survive”.I end this year in a sad note from the terrible year I have had, also a sigh of relief for the lessons i have learned to never let it happen agian. I know the new year will bring many great things not only because I start a new job, and am finishing my degree but also the new baby expected in may!!

Second pregnancy 5 years later…

My first is almost 5 this coming month. Where did the time go!? After one miscarriage and now a brutal pregnancy I wonder why people do this to themselves. Now bare with me. I see yes the bundles of joy but holy heck!! I’ve been off the rocker sick since 7 weeks! Was sure I was dying by week nine went, to the ER and, BAM nope just pregnant. I do just love the fact that my husband is super excited and laughs at me when in cry about food.. I just hope I don’t remember any of this after I’m holding our previous bundle of joy. My hubby is set on having more and I have more the informed him of who can have more..